Oh what to do...

I'm not really sure what to say today but I just feel like writing. I used to write a lot and I thought I was getting pretty good at it but one day I just felt like I wasn't going to get any better so I stopped. I've done that with lots of things. Skateboarding, playing the guitar, drawing, making jewelry... all hobbies I used to have and sometimes pick up again but never like I used to. Now, when I have free time I sit in front of the TV and wonder when I let my life get so boring. When did I let myself get boring?

Do you ever feel like you got left in the past? That you're aging and acquiring more but your personality got left behind and you don't know where it went and you can't find a way to go back and get it? I often wonder why I feel like I'm not the same person I once was. I'm not as spontaneous as I used to be. I'm not as creative as I used to be. I'm not as much fun as I used to be. (I'm not as thin as I used to be) Is it just because as adults we just have too much going on that we forget to not care so much? Does life just constantly bring on more and more responsibilities? The more it brings on the more unsatisfied I seem to be. I can't even muster a pat on the back when I accomplish something as simple as following a new recipe and having it turn out good.

Sometimes I think I just have too much I want to be doing and not enough time to do it. Then sometimes I think life is soooo long and when is it going to get really good? Then I have to smack myself and count my blessinsg because life IS good! I think I just forgot how to enjoy it.

There it is, that's got to be it right? Now, I am sitting here thinking about all my blessings and feeling really guilty that I'm even writing this stuff. My blog is becoming a journal and I never wanted it to be that way. I wanted it to be full of fun and hilarious stories and have cool layouts and neato pictures and interesting things that people want to read... oy, nothing is good enough for me. Ok, officially never going to post this. Ah, maybe I will. But please keep in mind that I'm just writing my thoughts, not really thinking them through. Don't judge me for being honest. It's what the people want! I am a people pleaser!

...Or I am just crazy.