I'm not really sure what to say today but I just feel like writing. I used to write a lot and I thought I was getting pretty good at it but one day I just felt like I wasn't going to get any better so I stopped. I've done that with lots of things. Skateboarding, playing the guitar, drawing, making jewelry... all hobbies I used to have and sometimes pick up again but never like I used to. Now, when I have free time I sit in front of the TV and wonder when I let my life get so boring. When did I let myself get boring?
Do you ever feel like you got left in the past? That you're aging and acquiring more but your personality got left behind and you don't know where it went and you can't find a way to go back and get it? I often wonder why I feel like I'm not the same person I once was. I'm not as spontaneous as I used to be. I'm not as creative as I used to be. I'm not as much fun as I used to be. (I'm not as thin as I used to be) Is it just because as adults we just have too much going on that we forget to not care so much? Does life just constantly bring on more and more responsibilities? The more it brings on the more unsatisfied I seem to be. I can't even muster a pat on the back when I accomplish something as simple as following a new recipe and having it turn out good.
Sometimes I think I just have too much I want to be doing and not enough time to do it. Then sometimes I think life is soooo long and when is it going to get really good? Then I have to smack myself and count my blessinsg because life IS good! I think I just forgot how to enjoy it.
There it is, that's got to be it right? Now, I am sitting here thinking about all my blessings and feeling really guilty that I'm even writing this stuff. My blog is becoming a journal and I never wanted it to be that way. I wanted it to be full of fun and hilarious stories and have cool layouts and neato pictures and interesting things that people want to read... oy, nothing is good enough for me. Ok, officially never going to post this. Ah, maybe I will. But please keep in mind that I'm just writing my thoughts, not really thinking them through. Don't judge me for being honest. It's what the people want! I am a people pleaser!
...Or I am just crazy.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Oh what to do...
Posted by Jade at 9:30 PM
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4 comments:
I read this to myself and smiled. Then I read it again, out loud to Aaron and I liked it even more. It made me laugh. Not at you, but with you. You're funny. And you're a fantastic writer. Keep it up!
It seems crazy to me that you're having THESE kinds of thoughts (where did my talents and personality go?) before having children. Girl, you better get it together before you have a baby because that's REALLY when your life goes down the drain. jk.
You are amazing, Jade. I love that you're honest and open. It's healthy and cute and it makes me excited for all the adventures you have ahead!
PS. Come to Vegas for a long weekend sometime. It's a days drive and we'd love to skateboard, play guitar and/or make jewelry with you!
PPS. My sisters and I are having a "Girls ONLY" weekend in St. George over Presidents Day. If you don't have to work (boss) you should come! Roma and I will be driving up and we have a nice house to stay in. Text me and let me know.
PPPS. this comment is way too long.
"Is it just because as adults we just have too much going on that we forget to not care so much?"
Beautiful!
I know exactly what you mean! I feel like I don't take time to do the things I really love. The sad thing is now I have the drive to really get good at the things I gave up when I was younger because I wasn't good enough. But now we have neither the time nor the money.
I like all your blog posts, and totally understand the feeling :) It sucks to be stuck in a rut. I hate when I look around and see people my age who have done so much with their talents, and here, I've done nothing. I always get stuck on the idea that since I didn't do it then there's no time for it now, but people are still going to school and getting degrees in their 40's. Why should I feel like I missed the boat.
Hang in there! And keep writing.
You wrote paragraph 2 better than I could have said it myself. . . I'm glad you wrote this because I feel this way a lot and I never think anyone else does. I'm also glad you're my sister. You and me all the way baby!
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