I quit!

I've hit 33 weeks in my pregnancy and I want to quit.  I've wanted to quit for a while.  This entire pregnancy has been so difficult.  I was way sicker in the beginning and for a longer period of time too.  I started wearing maternity clothes at 12 weeks!  My belly popped so early on that I've looked 2 months farther along than I actually have been the entire time.  This has really sucked since I got into my 8th month.  I look like I'm ready to go at any moment and people say that to me all.the.time.  It is very frustrating and annoying.  To say that I still have 6-7 more weeks sounds like an eternity.  Why does everyone have to comment on my size?  Why do people think it's okay to point out that I'm so big?  Who thinks it's okay to assume a pregnant woman is due at any moment?  That's almost as bad as assuming a woman is pregnant when you honestly can't tell.  In fact in the beginning a lot of people thought I was having twins but the ultrasound and every doctor appointment has proved that there is just one in there.  When I lie down I measure at just the right size, so there!  Everyone wants to tell me it's just because it's my second kid and my muscles and skin aren't as tight as they were the first time.  Yeah.  Duh.  Thanks for reminding me.  Not!  Like I need an explanation anyway.  Like that makes it any more bearable.  Trust me, I get it.  I seriously just want to stay indoors and hibernate the rest of my pregnancy.  I'm allowed to do that right?  I feel kind of awful for complaining because I really am so happy to enjoy this little miracle and I feel very blessed to have this ability when I know so many others so desperate to have children.  I'm not saying that I'm mad I'm pregnant or that I regret it.  I don't.  All I am saying is I've had a real self esteem issue since this pregnancy.  I haven't felt very attractive.  I am so self conscious and all the people around me pointing out my enormous appearance seriously makes me want to go to the doctor and have him deliver me early.  Pregnancy has been this biggest sacrifice of my life and I'm at my wits end.  I just can't do it anymore.  It's not just the comments either.  It IS my size.  I am big.  I know I am.  I think I am as big as I was (if not bigger) when I was full term last time.  Basically that means I am uncomfortable all.the.time.  I have a hard time doing just about anything.  I have hardly any energy and I am just falling behind in everything I want to do.  I am feeling like a burden.  I can't give like I want to, I can't interact with my son like I used to and I can't have any where near the closeness I used to have with my husband.  (even just cuddling hasn't been possible for months!)  Things are just hard and I want to quit.  I want to hold my sweet bundle of joy in my arms and not lug him around in my belly anymore.  I do hope I go a little early.  Ezekiel was a week late and just over 9 pounds.  I'm not doing that again!  My doctor agreed to induce me at 39 weeks but that is Christmas day so I hope I go naturally at more like 38 weeks... unless he says we can induce earlier than 39.  I have gotten lots of comments about how I will go early because, again, I'M SO BIG!  Thanks people.  Now you'll know as to why I didn't have any more kids after this one.  If that really is the case.  Which it may very well be...  Anyway, wish me luck!  And don't talk to me about it!!

Autumn

October may just be my favorite month of the year.  I love that it's not hot anymore but it's not winter yet either.  I love getting ready for Halloween too!  I also love how my favorite shows return to TV for a new season!  Everything just falls back into place it seems.  I really wanted to get married in October but I dragged my feet too long and had to settle for December.  I really wanted a baby in October too but as you know, this next little guy must have really wanted to share his birth month with his brother and Jesus and all the millions of other things we have going on in December.  But that's December.  Right now I'm talking about October.  It seems like we always do a lot more fun things in October too.  For starters, EZ is about 90% potty trained.  He rarely has an accident now, but still needs help getting pants up and down, as well as aiming!  He still wears a pull up at night but that's mostly because he doesn't get out of bed when he wakes up.  He's such a sweet boy, he patiently waits for us to come get him once he wakes.  I'm trying to teach him that he can let himself out and use the potty when he needs to.  Maybe I need to start leaving his door open.  I don't know.  Anyway, enough potty talk!

So here's some pictures from the month:
My good friend Chrissy is one month ahead of me and we're both having baby boys!  This is at her baby shower.  It was sail themed and so super cute.  I love love love nautical stuff!

Where we live in Springville is very close to a pumpkin patch.  We went with our family down the street.  We had a blast!  I couldn't do much obviously but John took EZ to climb to the top of the hay stack and down the slide several times.  We even got him to go on a horse ride.  His favorite was the corn pit though.  He got so messy!

Since EZ's birthday is smack in the middle of winter, it is hard to not to want to buy him things he can use in the summer, in the summer.  John wanted EZ to have a bike and one day, he came home with one!  I wanted to wait til his birthday, or Christmas but it just didn't make sense to get him something he can't use for a few months.  Might as well get it when he can use it!  He isn't quite getting the hang of it, but he has a blast on it.  We just gotta make sure we get him a helmet by summer time!

Our cool cousins let us borrow this race track.   It kept EZ occupied for a whole day.  I'm grateful for anything that keeps his attention so I can relax!

Cute Batman shirt!  He was watching a show and I said, "EZ look at the camera" and he turned and gave me this face.  He's also been into smiley face stickers on his head.  He asks for one almost every day.

We went swimming in Kathy's community pool.  It's outdoors but heated.  EZ LOVES to swim!

We went back the Pumpkin patch with a friend and rode the tractor ride.  We had to have another take at the corn pit too!  I got these sunglasses for $1 and he actually loves to wear them.  First pair he hasn't pulled right off.  When we got home he kept complaining there was corn in his bum.  Those tiny kernels get everywhere.  But not in his bum!

Finally, our traditional Halloween Adult Dress-Up Celebration.  We have a group of friends we don't get to see a whole lot but one night a year near Halloween we all commit to dressing up and going out to eat with each other.  John and I had (mostly me) a hard time coming up with a good costume since I'm so pregnant.  It can be a challenge to get creative.  Somehow we talked about how John should dress up as the sexy one since I am just not sexy right now.  Haha!  We agreed to flip the typical stereotype costume.  I was the doctor, and he was my sexy nurse.  John found an old pair of scrubs he never wears and we cut the pants off into short shorts and cut the sleeves off his shirt, as well as gave him a deep neck line to show off his chest.  It was so silly and everyone gave us strange looks.  That's the point though!  The more ridiculous, the funner the evening!

We went swimming again!  John's parents called us up one day and we went to their pool.  This dude looked just too cute in his sunglasses and swim shorts.  He gets so into swimming that he gets fearless.  We also need to get him a life vest of some sort because he tries to jump and get away all the time.  He loves to jump off the edge too, as you can tell!

And of coarse, Halloween!!!  We also had a hard time deciding what EZ should be.  I considered Spiderman or a Minion.  Then one day John came home with a Superman costume.  EZ cried and cried the first time we put him in it.  It took a while for him to warm up to it but thankfully he did by Halloween day.  He looked darling!

What else?  Now it's November, and that means having this new baby is right around the corner!  We've got almost everything ready!  I am 32 weeks and have been promised to be induced at 39.  So, about 7 more weeks!  After going a week over and delivering a 9 pounder, I don't want to ever do that to myself again!  Plus with how big I've gotten this pregnancy, I have no doubt that he will be a healthy weight at 39 weeks.  In fact, I'm sorta hoping I go 3 weeks early on my own!  That would put his birthday a week before EZ's and that is probably the best timing.  But, I guess we'll see...  Can I take just a sec to wine about this pregnancy?  I know I shouldn't because really, I am so fortunate to have a normal and healthy pregnancy.  But man, it is HARD!  I have been so uncomfortable and cranky for so long.  I also haven't been sleeping well.  My body just hurts all.the.time.  I'm very anxious to be done.  I know in a lot of ways it will be harder once he's out, but I can't help but think of how happy I will be to be able to move without pain!  Okay, enough ranting!  Thanks for reading!!!