I've hit 33 weeks in my pregnancy and I want to quit. I've wanted to quit for a while. This entire pregnancy has been so difficult. I was way sicker in the beginning and for a longer period of time too. I started wearing maternity clothes at 12 weeks! My belly popped so early on that I've looked 2 months farther along than I actually have been the entire time. This has really sucked since I got into my 8th month. I look like I'm ready to go at any moment and people say that to me all.the.time. It is very frustrating and annoying. To say that I still have 6-7 more weeks sounds like an eternity. Why does everyone have to comment on my size? Why do people think it's okay to point out that I'm so big? Who thinks it's okay to assume a pregnant woman is due at any moment? That's almost as bad as assuming a woman is pregnant when you honestly can't tell. In fact in the beginning a lot of people thought I was having twins but the ultrasound and every doctor appointment has proved that there is just one in there. When I lie down I measure at just the right size, so there! Everyone wants to tell me it's just because it's my second kid and my muscles and skin aren't as tight as they were the first time. Yeah. Duh. Thanks for reminding me. Not! Like I need an explanation anyway. Like that makes it any more bearable. Trust me, I get it. I seriously just want to stay indoors and hibernate the rest of my pregnancy. I'm allowed to do that right? I feel kind of awful for complaining because I really am so happy to enjoy this little miracle and I feel very blessed to have this ability when I know so many others so desperate to have children. I'm not saying that I'm mad I'm pregnant or that I regret it. I don't. All I am saying is I've had a real self esteem issue since this pregnancy. I haven't felt very attractive. I am so self conscious and all the people around me pointing out my enormous appearance seriously makes me want to go to the doctor and have him deliver me early. Pregnancy has been this biggest sacrifice of my life and I'm at my wits end. I just can't do it anymore. It's not just the comments either. It IS my size. I am big. I know I am. I think I am as big as I was (if not bigger) when I was full term last time. Basically that means I am uncomfortable all.the.time. I have a hard time doing just about anything. I have hardly any energy and I am just falling behind in everything I want to do. I am feeling like a burden. I can't give like I want to, I can't interact with my son like I used to and I can't have any where near the closeness I used to have with my husband. (even just cuddling hasn't been possible for months!) Things are just hard and I want to quit. I want to hold my sweet bundle of joy in my arms and not lug him around in my belly anymore. I do hope I go a little early. Ezekiel was a week late and just over 9 pounds. I'm not doing that again! My doctor agreed to induce me at 39 weeks but that is Christmas day so I hope I go naturally at more like 38 weeks... unless he says we can induce earlier than 39. I have gotten lots of comments about how I will go early because, again, I'M SO BIG! Thanks people. Now you'll know as to why I didn't have any more kids after this one. If that really is the case. Which it may very well be... Anyway, wish me luck! And don't talk to me about it!!
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ah sis, you are ALWAYS gorgeous. i don't know how you do it, but you always look good. and when you are pregnant you even look good and classy. it is a skill that not every woman has, but you have it. i think your body is just saying, "oh I've don't this before so here we go!" and it'll pop back the way you always do. your son will read this post one day and feel that much more lucky to have a mom that sacrifices so much. jade, you are beautiful. i shouldn't have to tell you that because you know you are! before you were married i would brag about you to guys all the time. i would tell them how cute you are and how i was never going to introduce them to you because they were never good enough. anyway, you've grown into a very lovely woman and MOM!!!! i love you. i see past the temporarily impregnated belly and i see those dark almond eyes, sharp brows, fair complexion, and incredible dimples. john is a lucky man. he not only got a funny and interesting gal, but a know-out trophy wife!
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