So lately (lately meaning the past 2 years) I've noticed a big change in my social life since I became one of those married people. I'm not sure why people do this but they tend to forget about you when you're no longer single. I am not someone who has often been short of friends... until I chose to wed one. I am not trying to bash marriage here because its the best and smartest decision I've ever made. That is not why I am writing any of this. All I'm saying is I wish I still had my friends. Granted, most of them were guys so I understand why they never make the effort to stay in touch. However, I try! I do! I send out texts to old friends a lot but it never leads to more than, how have you been? I find its even more difficult making new friends being married. Partially because you have extra people to develop a liking for. (if you're husband can't stand them... how can you continue to have them over all the time? and vise verse? so unfair!) So what is it about being married that makes me a less interesting person?? or less fun?? I don't get this. I don't like this.
I'll admit I am guilty of not calling some of my married friends anymore.. it is harder when they live far away or have children. Oh crap, does this get worse after you have kids?? I'm doomed! Wait, is this why so many people have kids so quickly after getting married??
I love my husband and he gives me everything he can. But he cannot give me the response a girl friend can. Girls need time to be with girls. Its how we work. Sometimes I miss having roommates to come home to. I'm around women all day every day at work so you'd think I'd get my fill right? Nah, work is work. Its the times when you get off work and have no one to spend it with that make you wish you had people in your life that wanted your company.
So any suggestions?
Will joining facebook make me real friends??
Am I crazy? Does anyone else feel this way?
Anyone free next weekend??
Friday, January 22, 2010
lonely + a little aggrivated = tangent!
Posted by Jade at 7:43 PM
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5 comments:
Facebook helps. Or you could just have a baby then you'll have no energy or money to have a social life? :)
Join Facebook! And since having a kid, I find I have gotten to know more people in the ward, and I talk more with the ladies in the ward too. So it doesn't get worse! I will agree with you though, you do loose a lot of friends once you get married. You still have friends, but you aren't as close as you once were. But it's because your priorities have changed - you are giving all your love and affection to your love, and its worth it!
BTW - I'm coming up to Utah sometime this summer. Send me an email at baxie3@gmail.com with your phone number so I have your contact information. I'd love to come visit you, its been a long time!
Awwww.....wish we could do lunch! An added dimenson of "lonely" is when your children grow up and they're busy, too.......Of course, that's what we try to do...raise them up to be independent, self-sustaining, productive contributors to society...dang it all! Whaaa..... I know some Moms who wish we hadn't done such a good job.
ps/All you really is need is one really good girlfriend...you know, the kind where you haven't talked for a month, then you call, it seems that neither of you has missed a beat, and it doesn't matter. And, if you have more than one, you're blessed! One more thought: my life has taught me that it's a two-way street, and I feel very blessed. Ah, the circle of life -- getting a little too philosophical tonight. MISS YOU!!!
pss/your readers suggest having a baby.....hm......I'm smiling!
Okay, this is just my two cents.....I think having a baby is great...I have four, but I waited almost five years to have them. you don't have to wait that long, but yes once they come your life changes FOREVER...in a good different way.
That said, I also thinks your life should be more than just talking about the kids. {although, once they come it does help to discuss them, because you can glean some great info from others} ...anyway, What do you like to do? Think about it...Maybe knit, cook...okay, okay...maybe neither of those....but something...read or maybe you like to eat dessert.....start a monthly female only, no babies, no hubbies girls night in. It helps to have some sort of a theme and I always like if I can eat. Invite your whole ward of women. You never know who will show up.
You really have to almost start over in some ways and this really sucks, I agree. You have to make an effort and see what happens. we have lived in eleven wards in 17 years. Some wards I made no friends and I was very lonely. I tried in some and made a few, but when I was a part of a monthly women's night out I really felt apart of something.
I had to start one here and I have done it three times. I did a recipe club. You could do this and just be in charge of dessert and drinks each time:) Some people said well I don't really cook and I told them just come, it's more about good food and good conversation. I had five at the first two and ten at the last one. I sent the kids and Skip upstairs and threatened their lives if they came out...worked!
You also have to have some sort of ice breaker to get everyone on the same level.
Anyway that's my advice. you can take it or leave it. Good luck...we always need girlfriends, because sometimes husbands just don't get it:)
It's the same when all your friends get married but you're still single. I think you're my only married friend who I still see.
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