The time has come

  I wasn't planning on blogging again until the baby was born but here I am almost a week late with way too much time on my hands. John suggested I blog and write out what I'm feeling and although I wasn't going to, I'm kinda glad I am. It's Monday night and I am 5 days over my due date. These 5 days have been some of the longest days of my life. This whole pregnancy has felt long but this last week was definitely the worse.
  On Wednesday, my due date, I was anxious and trying all the "home remedies" to get my labor started. John had finished out the semester and our bags were packed, the house was clean and everything was ready. I started out a little excited because I was experiencing some braxton hicks but they never became more intense or frequent. The hours flew by and I was beginning to realize that my son would not be born on this oh-so-awesome of days. By the time I finally made it to bed I just knew he wasn't coming in the next few days either. I tried to deny it but I knew I shouldn't get my hopes up either. They told me at one of my doctor appointments that they won't let me go past 41 weeks, so I knew the 19th would be my last day for sure. It was feeling like a very long ways away. So, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday dragged on by. I was losing my mind a little bit. Frustrated and concerned. Cranky and paranoid. Hating how I had to tell so many people 'still no baby'. Every night I'd cry a little bit because I couldn't handle the waiting. Being pregnant is just emotional. I know it's normal to go over with your first baby and I know the baby is doing just fine staying in there but as much as I know, I couldn't help but be worried... and annoyed. Finally on Sunday I was feeling a little better. I had an appointment for Monday and I had decided not to wait any longer so I was comforted with the thought of just 1 more day. Well today is that day and it's almost over and still, no baby. I got up early and took a nice shower and shaved, I curled my hair cute and put on make-up. I was ready. At my appointment my doctor said unless there is some sort of risk, they won't induce me til Wednesday. I expressed how I was ready now and after checking me he agreed we could go ahead and get me scheduled for Tuesday. I took it. Whatever, one more day.
  So tomorrow I will get a call in the morning (hopefully fairly early) that tells me to come on in and they'll get me started. So today just feels like another boring day of waiting. Around 5:30 I told John we needed to do something special because it's our last night just the two of us. That thought process freaked me out a little. We just went and got dinner and that was nice enough. It's getting really cold out now and being so huge, that was all I was up for doing. But now, writing this, realizing what I am about to go through tomorrow is incredibly overwhelming. I'm feeling inadequate and a little selfish. I can't believe I'm actually doing this. I am going to be a Mom and that's a forever kind of thing. It's remarkable and terrifying. I guess that's all I can say about if for now. I hope I can sleep tonight!
  Oh and just for document purposes, here is me on 12/12/12 at 40 weeks. Not my fave look but everyone says to take a pic to remember... I guess I'll want this image of myself at some point in the future.